I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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