I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
