Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
