home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
