it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
