I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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