have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
