She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
