I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
