Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
