Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
