i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
