we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
this is an emotional support booty call
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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