Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
