Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
