we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
