Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
