we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
