Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
