Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my poor anus
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
