I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
