I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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