Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
