When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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