Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
