i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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