So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
