shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We have started to decorate penises.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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