You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
