I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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