Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
