I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
