He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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