i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
