Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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