I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
