Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize