Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
