Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
