Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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