ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
