I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
