I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm too high and old for this...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize