i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize