i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i've created a new STD.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
