I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
