so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
