i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
