Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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