just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
