coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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