based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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