I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
