I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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