i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
