The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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