you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize