The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
