Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
