Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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