I puked a lego.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
