dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
