Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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