If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
