I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
