On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
pop tarts are not kleenex
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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