Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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