We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
