my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
