Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We had to coat check the pizza.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize