Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
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