genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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