i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize