Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
