I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
