That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
