i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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