we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
