how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
