the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
