I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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