So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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