btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
