The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
