so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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