so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
