I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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