I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
